sinking
drowning
struggling
hopelessness
fear
weight
defeat
unhappiness
failing
I have been going back and forth about coming out with this, but I think I am ready. I am struggling with depression. Not super serious depression, no suicidal thoughts or anything of that nature, but enough that it is too much of a presence in my life. I have moments of happiness, but I feel that they are tainted. That I have to remind myself to be happy and grateful. I feel like my natural state of being is depressed and I put on a happy face when it should come easier.
I need to make some changes, but right now I don't know what or how to do them. I am going to try natural methods for now, but in a few months if I still feel this way I will go see a doctor.
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It became very apparent to me today that I am festering this disease and it is spreading to my family. I have to fix it. I will be able to fix it, right now I need to figure out how.
There are so many things that are nagging at me. I am out of balance. Most days I feel like all I am is a to-do list and I am not doing a very good job at even that. My head knows that I am of value and worthy of love and that I am loved by my Heavenly Father with a love so great I cannot comprehend. My soul is struggling. My head knows that I have so many blessings and my life really is good, but deep down I don't feel or believe it.
There are some lights that are shining for me, my husband and kids, all my family. Elisa, you have been so kind and thoughtful. Talking with you helps cheer and strengthen me. I feel that I am relying on others light when I need to find my own.
Anyway, I just wanted to give an explanation for the next few months. I don't know how much blogging, facebooking, etc I will do for a while. I hope to focus more on my other blog as I receive inspiration, but I can't promise much.
I will resurface because I know that with His help I can do anything.
Time to get to work.
drowning
struggling
hopelessness
fear
weight
defeat
unhappiness
failing
I have been going back and forth about coming out with this, but I think I am ready. I am struggling with depression. Not super serious depression, no suicidal thoughts or anything of that nature, but enough that it is too much of a presence in my life. I have moments of happiness, but I feel that they are tainted. That I have to remind myself to be happy and grateful. I feel like my natural state of being is depressed and I put on a happy face when it should come easier.
I need to make some changes, but right now I don't know what or how to do them. I am going to try natural methods for now, but in a few months if I still feel this way I will go see a doctor.
"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It became very apparent to me today that I am festering this disease and it is spreading to my family. I have to fix it. I will be able to fix it, right now I need to figure out how.
There are so many things that are nagging at me. I am out of balance. Most days I feel like all I am is a to-do list and I am not doing a very good job at even that. My head knows that I am of value and worthy of love and that I am loved by my Heavenly Father with a love so great I cannot comprehend. My soul is struggling. My head knows that I have so many blessings and my life really is good, but deep down I don't feel or believe it.
There are some lights that are shining for me, my husband and kids, all my family. Elisa, you have been so kind and thoughtful. Talking with you helps cheer and strengthen me. I feel that I am relying on others light when I need to find my own.
Anyway, I just wanted to give an explanation for the next few months. I don't know how much blogging, facebooking, etc I will do for a while. I hope to focus more on my other blog as I receive inspiration, but I can't promise much.
I will resurface because I know that with His help I can do anything.
Time to get to work.
10 comments:
Katrina - it impresses me the level of honesty you have with yourself. My thought - stay close to Heavenly Father through it all. He, along with your most beautiful family, is the constant. loves to you.
Can I tell you how happy I am that you had the courage to share about your depression? I think depression is so common, but a certain stigma exists in our society that makes it difficult to be open about it, and that can only change if more people are honest about their depression. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
I have struggled with depression many times. I finally found the PERFECT doctor who understands my depression perfectly and who struggles with depression himself. Mental health is such a genetic thing but so many people carry the weight of it as if it's their fault.
Good luck with all of your endeavors. As soon as you are ready to start medication, I can give you the low down on the ones I have been on. I am currently on Lexapro, which I LOVE. It has changed my life. But it's pricey cause there's no generic. But Celexa is very similar in make up so I think it would be just as wonderful.
Sorry about this long comment! It's just something I feel strongly about. I love and miss you!
I think you are so brave to share, I agree with Mindy I think depression is so much more common than we think. It is such a personal battle, I have family members who stuggle with it and myself at times. Stay close to those who love you the most and know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. We miss you and your sweet family here in Colorado.
Virtual hugs to you, Katrina! I struggle, too--mostly with anxiety. But it can be paralyzing. I hope you can find a way to resolve your issues soon.
I think a lot more women struggle with this than we know, and certainly more than you realize, especially when you're in the thick of it and feel so alone in your sorrows.
I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you know that there is no shame whatsoever in getting the right help that you need: whether you choose to do that wwith homeopathic solutions, or traditional medication, or through talk-therapy. Just know that it is a real illness and needs to be treated that way. I hope that you do not feel the stigma that so many mormons do, that they are just not being grateful enough or something and have no reason or right to be depressed. Sometimes our hormones, or chemicals, or whatever, just get out of balance and need a little help getting back on track. If there are other issues that are circumstantial that contribute to your depression, that is something to consider and I hope that you can get those figured out as well. My best to you and your family :) Try to remember that you are not alone, and if you ever need to talk, email or call me anytime.
You are so loved!Can I just laugh with pure relief for a moment--so nice to know I am not alone. :) I think the hardest thing for me about depression is that it is so difficult to feel anything redeeming. You can put all the good wonderful happy things in and yet they all seem to fall out through a strainer. I am so glad we talked today. Let's give each other hugs more often, shall we?! We both need them. Love you!
Wow, can I relate!!!!! Only I know what the deal is with mine, I think. Still, it hasn't fixed it. Anyway, not fun at all!!! I really hope you can find what will take care of things for you. I think you're wonderful too-- I'd love to talk to you about it but I'm afraid I'd bring you down. :/ Anyway, I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
I second everything that has been said. I have watched many people close to me struggle with depression. It seems you have already made that first crucial step to working toward recovery. Katrina, you are so strong! I am so sad to be leaving right when I would like to be here for you! You are in our thoughts and prayers. I know you'll be watched over, you have so many good friends and family. But, never hesitate to call me any time!!
You never cease to amaze and impress me. I love you and your adorable family. *HUGS*
I know I'm a little late with this comment, but thank you for sharing. I have a brother who suffers from very severe depression, among other things. Mental illness is so misunderstood, maybe more so in LDS culture since people may think if you are just obedient and righteous and grateful, you'll be fine. But it goes a lot deeper than that and it can be a very private kind of suffering. I sincerely hope that you find the help you need. I think you're a wonderful person and have always been so pleasant to be around.
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